My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
His hands were made for my vagina.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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