ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
