How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
