So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
