I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
