Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
It's just like the Real World with babies
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
