open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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