He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
