Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
