please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
