I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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