do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
