If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
