Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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