What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
