Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
