After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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