I am puke
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
The adults are the big ones right?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
