eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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