i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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