I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
