my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
