I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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