Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
