I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
