The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
