there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
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