A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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