i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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