So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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