thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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