And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
