You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
