she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
