You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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