At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
