i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize