Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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