remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
