I just pynch a tree in the face
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
is it fun? or sober?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize