Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
