I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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