flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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