As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
