we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize