i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
