He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
