she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
