My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
