we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
