he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize