I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
