drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so let's talk penis.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
