Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Is Oprah even human
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
