Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize