That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
