Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
