That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
