Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
