Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
