Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I have already put on my inside pants.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
