Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize