I think i peed on brittanys purse
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
