well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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