You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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