it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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