textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
