can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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