im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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